{Breat Cancer Awareness: Haley's Dailies}

Yesterday, on Oprah, was Christina Applegate who chronicled her battle with Breast Cancer. She sat with her oncologist, Dr. Philomena McAndrew, an attending physician at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Dr. McAndrew also happens to be my friend Haley's Oncologist, one of the "Dream Team" of doctors who saved her life, and Christina's as well.

Haley's battle was one that I will always look at with amazement. She always had an unbelieveable sense of strength and humor. An incredible testament to that was the email updates she sent around to all her friends and family to keep us up to date with what was going on. I've always saved them because I find them to be some of the most inspirational emails I have ever seen, and am so happy to post them on my blog so that others can see them as well.

Haley, you are an inspiration and know that your message will be heard far and wide.

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Haley Daily #1:

As many of you may already know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Wednesday. Needless to say, this came as a big BIG surprise, but I'm doing great. Thank you all for your outpouring of love and support. It has touched me deeply and given me strength. Although I may not be able to return all your calls and emails, please know that I do appreciate them and hope they keep on coming.

My doctors say that I am lucky to have caught the cancer early and because of my young age, I have a great prognosis for a full recovery (and even a brand new set of "girls" if you know what I mean).

Needless to say I have spent the past week consulting with doctors and doing scans and other tests. I have a top notch team of specialists at Cedars Sinai (really, I do) dedicated to working on my case and getting me into the right treatment as soon as possible. I will also be getting a 2nd opinion with another highly referred breast center (Breastlink in Manhattan Beach). There are still many questions and things to consider along this path, but today was a good day because we finally have a plan for my treatment.

Here are the basics:
On Wednesday, 8/16, I will have a lumpectomy to get the yicky tumor and lymph nodes out and an excission of another "questionable" ugly little guy in my other breast. While they are off being disected in pathology, I will do fertility treatments (oh fun) for about two weeks and hopefully harvest (not scramble) some eggs. Too much info yet? Wait, it gets better. Then I start chemotherapy right away, hopefully getting just the right cocktail of poison (cancer killing drugs) and anti-nausea medicine to lead a normal life as my hair falls out. Believe it or not, I'm actually laughing as I can't believe I'm writing this. After about 4 months of chemo, I decide either: (a) mastechtomy and reconstructive surgery or (b) breast conservation with a healthy dose of radiation therapy. (What would you choose?) There are many things and further test results to consider before I make my decision about this last step. Thus, to be continued…
Thanks for listening and hopefully laughing a little with me!

I love you all dearly, Haley
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Haley (apparently not so) Daily #2

Boy, has this been the longest month EVER! But I continue to be moved and blessed by all of your love and support. So thank you all once again.

Last time I wrote, I was scheduled for my lumpectomy and all that jazz on Aug 16…well, it's done and I'm recovering very well. The surgeon removed the tumor and several lymph nodes in my left breast and then removed the questionable little guy in my right. I met with my oncologist last Wed, Aug 23, to discuss the results of the final pathology report. The path confirmed that the margins are clear in both breasts (i.e., there should be no more tumors or cancerous cells) and that the cancer did NOT spread into my lymph nodes (this is HUGE! - score: 2 points for Haley). However, that questionable little guy in my right breast was precancerous (dratz. - score: 1 point for Charlie the Cancer).

I also had a very positive report from my fertility specialist (ha! - score: another 1 for Haley). I have started the fertility process which should culminate in the beginning of Sept . Then I get two weeks off of these rollercoaster ride hormone drugs before I start chemo cocktailing by the end of Sept. My cocktail regimen has not been finalized at this point, but I will be pushing for the 4-1/2 month (rather than the 6 month) protocol, which lands me mid-Jan 2007.

Because the questionable little guy turned out to be precancerous, my doctors recommend that I have a double mastectomy to reduce/eliminate my chance of another local recurrence. They say I will need about 2 months to rest after chemo to let my white blood cell count normalize. So….I will be losing my lady lumps sometime in the early spring of 2007. (Waaahhh. - score: another 2 pts for Charlie). Thankfully, this should eliminate the need for radiation if everything appears clear after that surgery. (So, why not...score: another 1 point for Haley). And, it doesn't end there, my friends, because I start "expansion" for the reconstructive surgery which should give me a set of perky new girlfriends just in time for next summer (Yeah! score: 2 perky points for Haley).

And so, the Game is on...

Thank you all for your prayers…someone has been listening!
With love, big hugs and kisses, Haley

SCORE RECAP:
Home Team: 2+1+1+2 = 6
Visitor Team: 1+2 = 3
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Haley Daily #3

Where oh where have I left off? Surgery: Last time I wrote I had been recovering well from my lumpectomy, et al. My surgeon did such a great job that I've already gotten feeling back in my breasts and my armpit, and have no more excuses not to shave there (my armpit, not my breasts, geez). I feel like a lady again!!!

Fertility: I had my (cover your ears if you're shy) egg retrieval on Sept 5 and had GREAT success according to my fertility doc. I was (ears) BLOA-OATed from those crazy hormone drugs for about a week afterward but it was sooooo very worth it. What a relief to know I have a little stash of golden eggs (which I lovingly call my Totsicles) waiting for me in the future.

Hair news: In preparation for my chemo, I decided to donate 11" of my hair to Locks For Love which is an organization that makes wigs for children who are cancer patients. With the remaining but oh so cute bob cut I have left, what do you think I did???? Hmmmmm….what could it be?????? Give up? I'm a BLONDE again and lovin' every single minute of it (which, ironically, are quite limited).

Cocktails: On Monday, I had one stiff chemo-politan martini (3 parts poison, dripped, not stirred) with a hydration chaser. MMMmmmmm! But oh the price you pay for that kind of partying. Well, actually, except for a killer Migraine (which was finally subsiding this afternoon with the assistance of my new friend vicodin), I'm not feeling that bad at all (knock on wood and all that jazz!) So I'm actually planning on popping back into work tomorrow for a bit and then on Friday.

One treatment down…five to go.

Thank you for all of your love and support. I love you all!

- Haley
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Haley Daily #4

So it's been over two months since this crazy cancer party started. Too bad I don't remember ever rsvp'ing to the invite.

Chemo #1: I had my 1st chemo treatment on Monday Sept 18th…felt good enough to send out an email that Wednesday and then got slammed by a killer migraine on Thursday. Pulled myself together(ish) on Friday and then spent Saturday with family and Sunday with Mom and friends doing the Race (walk really) for the Cure in Newport Beach. But what a great experience that was!!! Then Neulasta hit me with my first ever **Achey Breaky Bones Day.** You may ask what this means (and if you don't have to, I'm sorry). Neulasta is a WONDER-drug that is injected into your system and stays there, ever so quietly, until your white blood cell count plummets, and then it comes charging out of the gate like there's no tomorrow. I actually FELT my bone marrow making white blood cells. What a trip! However, while on this trip, I walked around like a 95 year-old woman with two elephants on her back. I have to admit, it was a pretty funny site.

Appointment with my hairapist: As far as the party attire goes, I don't recall agreeing to the G-I Jane theme. Nevertheless, it happened. A little earlier than I had hoped, but pretty much right on schedule. Rather than wait out the inevitable, I asked the charming Mr. Razorhands to do the deed. And he did, and now I'm the new (improved?) G-I Jo. What a sense of empowerment! Not. It sucks, but not as much as…being eaten by a tiger, right? I do have some beautiful wigs, hats and scarves that family and friends have so generously given me. Thank you all…I love them!

Chemo #2: I just had my 2nd chemo treatment on Monday Oct 9th. So this time, I'm waiting to write…til Thursday...to see how I feel. Honestly, not too bad at all, which kinda makes me wonder if this chemo is actually doing what it's supposed to do. But that I'll have to take up with my doctor. This time, we took some precautions to prevent the migraine from recurring and IT WORKED!!! I took it easy Mon, Tues and Weds morning and then came back to work on Wed afternoon. The worst part this time is that I've had a couple of Kick Box the Chemo Girl Days because my body literally hurts to touch. But then again…Kick box? Tiger? Kick box? Tiger? I'll be a kick boxing bag any day…as long as it's not a tiger doing the kicking. That would be rude.

Two treatments down....four to go.
Thank you for all of your love and support. I love you all!

- Haley "G-I" Jo
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Haley Daily #5

So I haven't been very good about writing since my last update in October, but I have been very good about LIVING over this past month!!! Here's a little update on my doings, feelings, and upcoming treatments. I really hope this isn't "too much info" for some of you. Please read at your own risk…you'll soon see what I mean.

Doings
As some of you know, back in May of this year I started taking adult beginning ballet classes (something I had always secretly wanted to do). I instantly loved it. The movements, the music, and the way it works your body (especially your butt ) make ballet the perfect workout, escape and release for me. Anyway, I had about two solid months of classes before I got my diagnosis and I had to stop taking classes to take care of this crazy cancer thing. Then on Saturday, October 14, with my first surgery and one month of chemo behind me, I went back to class. I'll never forget that day. I was so nervous. I didn't know if I'd remember the names of the movements (they're all in French of all things) or if my body would remember or even be able to do the movements. It was a hard workout, mentally and physically, but I got through it. As I left the studio, my eyes welled up and I couldn't stop the tears…it was hard to believe I felt so normal, so proud, and so alive…like myself again. Since then I've taken 3 or 4 classes per week. I've noticed the effect of chemo on my balance and coordination (I know some of you are laughing at this and justifiably so) but I am improving, really I am. I often think about people who are not as fortunate as I am, in strength of body and spirit, and can no longer do the very things that they love to do. I dance each class with this blessing in mind. It means so much to me.

Feelings
These days my feelings generally equate to the side effects I'm experiencing and so I've taken to naming each day as it relates to the present side effect. Here are some real but not so glamorous examples.

Achey Breaky Bones Day. You've heard about this one already. This is when you actually feel your bone marrow making white blood cells. How cool, you say. Wrong. I walked around like a 95 year old lady on this day. BUT, fortunately it only happened once. I've been taking Claritin D to prevent this side effect. It sounds random, but it worked. No complaints here.

Holy Horror Is It Hemorrhoids? Day. I'm not sure what was worse…the way I felt, having to describe it to my doctor, or having the pharmacist announce the proper use of my medication to the whole freakin' pharmacy. You decide. Thankfully, it's not the big H, but just the extremely expressive way these chemo toxins let you know they are leaving your body, saying goodbye asshole, see ya next time. Ugh.

Hallelujah It's Just Hormones Day. It's funny, you concentrate so much on what the chemo is doing to you physically that you tend to overlook the way it's affecting you emotionally. Looking back I realize I've been an emotional wreck the Monday and Tuesday of the 3rd week of each of my last two treatments. Coincidence? I suspect not. I believe that these are the days when the chemo is ravaging my hormones, making me cry at the sound of a sympathetic voice, contemplate staying in bed for the next 5 years, or freak out over things I would otherwise face rationally. Then Wednesday comes and I can't believe I've let such things get to me over the last two days. I guess if I didn't have these hormonal lows I wouldn't appreciate the highs. And having hormones to blame it on makes it a wonderful thing being a woman.

Dizzy Does Dehydration Day. The 3 or 4 days following my 3rd treatment I was feeling pretty good, but just not myself. I was more lethargic than the other times and I kept getting light headed when I stood up too fast. Now I can do dizzy just as well as any other (bottle) blonde out there, but this was the real thing. I went to see my doctor about it. She said my blood pressure was too low due to dehydration, the result of which was my light-headedness. Who knew? I had been drinking water like nobody's business but sometimes that's just not enough. I got some bonus hydration at the doc's office and learned a little lesson about electrolytes. Since then, I've been drinking Smartwater (which is infused with electolytes much like Gatorade is) and oh what a difference in my energy level and, yes, my dizziness too.

Hotflash HoliDays. Sounds like an exotic vacation package, right? Not quite. It's more like an express train to hell and back, again and again and again. Imagine lying on some distant shores of hot molten lava surrounded by glimmering pools of your own sweat! Hmmm…that's about right. Unless you've experienced these wonders of the world, it's hard to imagine.

Happy Happy Hair-Free Days. It's crazy to believe, but a girl can get used to this. There are clearly pros and cons, but for the sake of positive thinking, let's explore the pros. No expensive salons, no embarrassing roots, no hairdryers, no hair products, no bad hair days, no hair in your food, no hair in the shower drain, no hair on the bathroom floor, no phantom hairs falling down your shirt, no bed head, no wind resistance, and best of all, no shaving! None?, you ask. Nope, none, not at all, NOWHERE!

So that's it. Honestly, it could be far worse. These side effects are mild in comparison to what others have experienced. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I realize I have to credit my "good experience" to a few very important things.

1. I am young and I take good care of myself with exercise and a pretty good diet (chocolate exempted).

2. I had a lumpectomy before chemo and I am having my mastectomy after chemo. This was just how my treatment plan worked out. Many women undergo a mastectomy (a very invasive surgical procedure) before chemo, for good reasons, but it potentially leaves them with less energy to deal with the chemo. I would have liked to have the mastectomy behind me but I am thankful to have had such a positive experience overall…so far so good.

3. I think most importantly, I've been doing acupuncture on a weekly basis. In cancerland this is called complimentary therapy. Call it whatever you want, but I have to believe it has made a huge difference in the way my body has responded to and processed the treatments. Acupuncture can target may bodily functions. My treatments have focused on helping my liver and spleen process the toxins through my body. Amen my buddha brother! Get that stuff outa there the sooner the better.

Treatments
I am HALF WAY through my chemo treatments. As far as milestones go, this feels like a biggie. My first three treatments were with a chemopolitan called FEC. I had it three times starting Monday, September 18, once every three weeks. My next three treatments are with a different cocktail called Taxotere. Of course, the side effects from Taxotere differ from FEC. This round I should be looking forward to increased fatigue and joint pain. How lovely, right? I have my first of these treatments this coming Monday, November 20. I have elected to have it weekly for nine weeks instead of a stonger dose once every three weeks for three times. It's supposed to be a bit easier to handle weekly. So I'll be cocktailing every Monday (jealous?), except that it'll be Tuesdays around the holidays, with my last one (the Superbowl of chemo) scheduled for Monday, January 15. Bring it on, I'm ready!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and continued love and support!

Love, Haley
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Haley Daily # 6

Hi all,

I'm done, I'm done, I'm DONE. I had my last chemo treatment yesterday. It's been a blast, of sorts. Next step, eat some real sushi again (YUM!), enjoy a luxurious manicure and pedicure, detox, and get some good R&R. Then…drum roll, please….bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery on Feb 6, followed by two months of divine disability.

I must thank all my family and friends who have stood by me, kept me company at my treatments, and listened to all my tales and woes of chemo life. Through it all, I've learned a lot about myself and so much more. Here is a goofy little poem to commemorate this experience...

Chemonista
Chemo Glam is what I am Part art, some smarts, and a lot of heart. Decked to the hilt in expensive designer drugs Lovingly administered with kisses and hugs. My spirit stayed strong, my outlook still bright Despite this ridiculous side effect plight. As treatments have come and now are all passed I offer this Glam Guide, an ode of chemo crass. Hair loss came first, the thought of wearing a wig, the worst But now as a blonde bombshell, my confidence will never burst. My skin has been clear, smooth, radiant as snow For no invaders can thrive under this toxic Chemo Glow. Fluttering eyelids sound romantic and Old Hollywood dreamy But when you can't see straight, the bedroom ain't gonna get very steamy. Teary eyes have been a most annoying and prolonged surprise I could win the Oscar for best actress in a weepy theatrical reprise. Nose bleeds, mouth ulcers, and a horrifying metallic mouth taste No orifice was spared, no freakish side effect gone to waste. Nausea was expected, a welcomed kind of diet Yet no grumbles or mumbles, my stomach stayed quiet. Constipation has been a weighty and constant companion I've bought enough ex-lax to fill the good ol' Grand Canyon. Toxicity in my hands left me with lovely red rough and leathery skin Do you think that hand-shaped Coach bags will ever be in? Hot flashes provide the ultimate natural glow and dewey glisten Premature menopause is where it's at, all the young starlets should listen. My steroid rage was unexpected, scary, yet undeniably fashionable I would have held my own with stars like Russell Crowe and Naomi Campbell. Lately my thoughts have been scattered, my vocabulary drained This is the real kicker, a charming phenomenon called Chemo Brain. I hope this tale of my side effect plight has kept you enthralled with shock and delight. For this Chemonista has done Chemo Glam just right and relishes the fact she's winning this fight!

Love to you all, Haley
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Haley Daily #7

Hello everyone,

It's a wonder how a month can fly by when you're busy growing new eyebrows, lashes, hair and oh yes, boobs!

I can't believe my mastectomy and reconstructive surgery was only four weeks ago. It feels like forever. Surgery was 7-1/2 hours long but thankfully I got to sleep through it...piece of cake. And my surgeons pulled off the perfect boob coup, if I do say. I actually woke up with cleavage...you heard me right, cleavage. Big bonus. Huge.

I survived the hospital for 4 long nights, with constant poking and prodding, icky hospital food and ridiculous early morning construction noise right next to my room...HELLOOOOO morphine drip. I was so happy to leave the hospital and recover at home with the loving help and superstar nursing of my Mom and cousin Hydie. As it turns out, I left the hospital with a new little friend...a staph infection. So I've been loaded up with all kinds of oral and IV antibiotics since then. I even had the unique pleasure of having an allergic reaction to one of the IV antibiotics...that sure was neat. And I "can't" have chocolate or wine with the oral antibiotic because I could feel flushed - oh come on. Needless to day, I successfully tested that hypothesis.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty darn good. Do I dare say I'm starting to feel like myself again? Not exactly "normal" yet, but then again that's all relative. I've regained full mobility in my arms. Ironically, my chest is pain free but my hips, oh my hips, they are so stiff. They say it could be a latent side effect of chemo, but I think it has more to do with age (ugh) and the fact that I haven't been allowed to really exercise yet. After surgery they say to take it easy for 6-8 weeks not to screw anything up.

Hopefully next week my reconstructive surgeon will start "expanding" my little booblets. I wonder, how big will I grow? And will it feel like 6th grade all over again? There's nothing like going through puberty again at the age of 36. Once I'm "fully grown" I undergo the 2nd reconstructive surgery where they exchange these expander boobs for silicon implants, the real deal...hubba hubba. If everything goes right, that should be at the end of April. I'll say my prayers.

Thank you all for your loving and supportive phone calls, emails, cards, and everything else! I couldn't have done so well without all that love and good stuff.

I hope you all are well and having a great 2007!!!

Love, Haley
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Haley Daily #8

Hello everyone,

At last, this Humpty Dumpty got put back together again. I had my last reconstructive surgery a week ago. I'm feeling great and I love my results. Next step is the "decorations" which will come in a couple of months. Bikini season, here I come!

I'm going back to work on Monday. I feel rested, recharged and ready.

I can't express how much I am looking forward to moving on with my life. I've come a long way. It amazes me to think that I had breast cancer. I had it. I often repeat that to myself because they are three powerful little words. They mean so many things to me. I had it. To think back brings such tears. They are tears of sadness, but also tears of immense joy. I know this because I find myself smiling, really smiling, at the very same moment, for the very same reason. I had it. I wonder when I will feel such joy again.

Thank you all for your incredible love and support over these past 8+ months. I am truly touched and so thankful to have the loving family and friends that I have. I couldn't have gotten through this without you. I love you all...

~ Haley